When I went live on fb last time,  I got overwhelmed by emotions. Although I was sitting there, sobbing, my nose running uncontrollably, I felt so held and comfortable with sharing myself this way. 

I felt no shame, I felt no drama as the tears were flowing, and I could release a deep sitting pocket of survival fear due to a hard winter coming soon without a shelter.

It was so unexpected and it was beyond beautiful to feel you all with me, and reading all the loving, heartfelt comments. 

I was able to competely relax into that fear, bringing myself back into the here and now, a beautiful indian summer with breathtaking colours on a wonderful piece of land in Northern Wisconsin right by Lake Superior. 

Due to our conditioning, we think emotions are something bad. I remember working as a Head of Communications in the automotive industry, and the worst feeling for me was to sit in a meeting and feeling tears coming up when I felt frustrated, not understood or attacked. So unprofessional! 

That is how we grow up. Emotions are something unwanted. They are a sign of weakness. A sign that you don’t have control over yourself and are not able to function and have your shit together. You’re just not tough enough. 

The experience I had with the FB live was completely different. I was allowing myself to be truly vulnerable no matter the consequences, and I could relax into being myself. There was not one single judgment I felt, all I could feel was people holding space for me and appreciating my honest sharing of what I felt while I was processing that trigger. I felt so connected, from my heart to yours. Not because I wanted anything from you. Just because we ARE part of the whole. We are aspects of each other, remembering.

Vulnerability opens hearts, vulnerability connects, vulnerability reminds us of our emotional power and intelligence. It is the universal energetic language beyond any individual or cultural conditioning expressed and embodied. Beyond the language of the linear mind.  We remember that we are all part of the one same organism. 

What I did online is what we are and do every moment in our absolicious offline community. We share, we  scream and cry, we hold space, we are radically honest, we don’t take anything personal, we celebrate emotions. We laugh, we play, we enjoy. We are a learning organism, aligning more and more. 

I know now: THAT is the new. When we talk about a new dimension, a new paradigm, a new way of co-existence, a new earth community. It is our return to our innocence. Our vulnerability. Our playfulness. Us being connected from heart to heart. 

It is not ecology/permaculture, it is not sustainability, it is not charity, it is not alternative education, it is not new technology, not new arts, not new sports, etc. All of the content comes by itself and effortlessly, when emotionally balanced people remember, reconnect, start co-creating and thriving. 

Although starting with the best intentions, if the alignment and reunion of people/aspects through  vulnerability does not happen, intentional communities automatically fall back into old conditional patterns of control and survival. They need to implement rules, conflict management, schedules, application processes, democratic or communist set up etc. Most approaches look into producing enough food and shelter first out of survival needs. Most of them look for a business model to create incomes to pay for the community expenses and growth. They try to build the new looking through the lense of duality and capitalism. 

That is not how an organism operates. In an organism there is no linear, conditional exchange. 

Most intentional communities lack a purpose that goes beyond just living together, following a certain school of thought, producing food and goods, sharing facilities, tools and food so it becomes cheaper for everyone to live. 

But what do you do there when you are not a farmer, a teacher, or a cook? 

Most communities are smaller bubbles of people who want to separate themselves from the rest of the world. They are mainly exclusive (conditional), not inclusive – and you need to share the same belief (be it spiritual, religious, ecological, political…) that the community grew around. It is separating itself from the whole. 

Thus, they don’t serve as a new model for a holistic unconditional society based on unity and diversity. 

In the old world, we are taught that nothing is effortless and you have to work and fight hard to make it. We learn that we are worthless without money, and limitlessness increases with the amount of money available. 

We learn that for every act, there is a consequence. Cause and effect – conditional thinking.

How would we understand that life can be unconditional, easy and playful? 

An unconditional community is inclusive, it does not actively decide who is part of it and who is not, it is not evolving around a belief, it is not exclusive. It is not about money or a currency. That does not exist in a healthy organism. 

An unconditional community does not plan, project or predict, it does not expect. 

It relies on energetic resonance and creates from moment to moment. It shares a vision and purpose, at the same time it is not attached to it or to a specific outcome, knowing about augmented co-creation. 

True limitlessness comes through liberation from deep rooted beliefs, not through big bank accounts or portfolios. 

It celebrates diversity in all forms and is evolving around a shared energetic frequency of oneness. It is not co-dependent, it is not independent, it is interdependent. 

The idea of an unconditional community seems impossible to the human mind as it is based on individual and collective intuition and full trust that each aspect contributes to the whole organism with their joy and passion exactly what is needed, and that each aspect is also provided by the whole organism with what they need so they can contribute effortlessly. No laws, no rules, no schedules needed. 

People who are doing what they love. Everyone is appreciated for who they are in their essence. 

People connected through their hearts.

The key is US, embracing our vulnerability and our emotional baggage that transforms into our emotional power – our full body intuition. We can’t experience joy if we suppress emotions we consider as bad or not appropriate. An unconditional, loving, playful and joyful world needs emotions free of judgment, drama or blame.

After the tears I shared and cried, and the emotional transformation following my FB live, the fear of survival (which was not related to death, but to the pain before dyingin that case freezing) is gone. 

I am right here, right now, moving from moment to moment. Trusting the organic growth of this new paradigm. 

Here in Absolutia, we are playing a lot. We play with what we have, most of the time, we are not focused on what we lack. We are not interested in surviving, we are thriving. 

We know the more people remember, join in, engage and share unconditionally, the more the organism and the new world grows. Not even the ice cold winter coming scares me anymore. I know it will be perfect. It always is. It is all about being okay with not knowing, and staying in the here and now. 

Every day we are playing. With wood structures, with cooking delicious firepit meals, with the neighbor kids, with the dogs…. Life is one big adventure this way. 

And yes – we often play out the triggers for each other to get the emotion within to the surface for transformation. It might suck in that moment, but on a deeper level, we appreciate it and know about the necessity of it for our liberation and embodied alignment in oneness.

With all of what we do, we are creating a new reference point for more people to relate and see that a whole different, beautiful and joyful way of co-existence is not only possible but real! 


Reflections on five months of a Community Embodiment Experiment 

„Community is nothing we thought it would be“. (Lawrence Wendell)

11 brave humans (you know who you are, beautiful peeps), and four brave dogs were part of an incredible experiment called Camp Freedom. An experiment to live and love unconditionally in alignment with the Source Code (a set of values and a common ground and understanding of what it is to live life unconditionally in community). An experiment to live as one superorganism, without any man made rules, laws, fixed concepts, or schedules.  A learning that is purely based on experience.

An experiment that brought so much growth and learning. An experiment that will continue to evolve in different ways, as each participant carries the essence of it all on into their further experience.

So much laughter, joy, pain and tears went hand in hand, as we moved forward together into the unknowable, exploring a new dimension, discovering new ways of co-living and co-creating. It took a lot of guts to take part, and to not just run away when it got too uncomfortable. 

Looking back, it seems to be the most obvious thing, that we needed to start the community experiment as a nomadic camp, moving from public ground to public ground, sleeping in tents, cooking on campfires and living outdoors full time. That way, we did not start creating from a place of need  for security, shelter, food etc for survival. We were invited to go back to the basics. A simple life, finding the magic in the ordinariness of simplicity and nature. Not only the dogs, but also we were undomesticating and rediscovering our wild and beautiful essence.

Plus: There were no distractions, such as taking care of land, building structures and things, planting food etc… no distraction from the most important ingredient for a new paradigm of unconditional community: HUMAN individuals and the DYNAMICS between US, as well as our alignment on a new energetic frequency level, from separation to oneness. We were all faced with our inner demons, the mirrors we held for each other were crystal clear, and not always pleasant. Nevertheless I am sure that we’d all agree that none of us would have wanted to miss this experience. 


If it came to a summary of what the basic ingredients are, I would use the following words: 

Freedom, Responsibility, Respect, Compassion, Radical Honesty, Sharing, Trust/Intuition, Acceptance. (You can find much more detail in the Source Code)

TRUST everything is always perfect. We always get what we need for our expansion, that is very often not what we want. We know when we follow our intuition and impulses, no matter how crazy it seems, it is what is needed for our own evolution. This includes to have no expectations and being open to any possible outcome. Knowing it to be exactly what is needed for our expansion. 

RADICAL HONESTY includes clear communication on how we feel, what we agree with and what our clear boundaries are. Instead of making assumptions, and going down a rabbit hole, we ask for and we provide information as we know that nothing is personal. This way, our complete body and the whole organism learns when we actually interdependently share energy to amplify each other, or when we co-dependently suck energy and drain each other. Expressed boundaries and clear yesses and nos are necessary, until our energetic boundaries are established naturally.

SHARING includes sharing our feelings, our perspective, our creativity, our talents, gifts, resources. Nothing and no one is valued over another. There is no comparison, competition, trading or barter. There is a deep understanding of being an aspect of the overall organism, and that unconditional sharing automatically creates a thriving for everyone.

COMPASSION for everyone around us and for ourselves includes unconditional RESPECT. This expands to our overall reality, and everyone in it, including the cashier in the supermarket, the grumpy neighbor, the dude in the car in front of us, the president of the United States, the Founder of Microsoft, etc.  ACCEPTANCE is vital. Acceptance of where everyone is in their life experience, accepting ourselves when we deliver a trigger to someone, and when we play angel and devil for each other – as long as we act from the heart and are not intentionally trying to hurt someone, or seek revenge.
It is the awareness that every single being in our reality has a pure heart in their core, which is covered with multiple layers of conditioning. With acceptance comes gratitude for the challenges those other aspects of the ONE organism (suffering from amnesia) provide for us and our own evolution.

FREEDOM and RESPONSIBILITY (Response-Ability) go hand in hand. The moment we expand beyond our physical individual being into the awareness of being a vital part of a much larger organism, we automatically treat everyone and everything around us as part of ourselves. We realize that every act of an individual has an effect on the whole. We are free to fully embody our essence and what is natural to us, while feeling a natural responsibility for the whole. Responsibility means full ownership of our own feelings, (co)creation, experience, as well as community space and resources.

This includes the knowing that nobody can make us feel anything, unless they resonate parts in us that create the feeling in the first place.
Responsibility means owning what is right in front of us. It is acceptance of what is, not wanting it any different although it might be very confronting and painful in the moment. 

Responsibility means treating everything that is available to us as if it was our own (as a part of us), with presence, love, care and appreciation.

Responsibility can mean compassion on the one hand, it can also be a clear boundary and “no” on the other – when an unconscious part of the organism is triggered, and is hurting the collective. It is a fine line to walk. Key is the awareness that we all have our blind spots with these unconscious parts, and accepting the invitation to look even deeper when we are triggered, and we feel hurt. In contrast, with each judgment, with each projection, with each finger pointed, we attack and hurt ourselves, and we prevent the alchemy into true liberation and inner peace from happening. 

Responsibility for our organism/the whole also has a large effect on how we take our decisions. We no longer seek advantage for our little self, we intuitively and automatically take the decision that is for the greatest good for everyone, every single aspect of US. It is challenging to let go of ideas of communism or democracy, including of human ideas around justice and fairness that always end up in more and more rules, laws and control mechanisms. That is not how natural dynamics work. Going beyond that means fully trusting that each individual cell of the organism has all information available at all times. Paired with its emotional intelligence, there is no doubting of the choice we make. 

Distortion of our INNERstanding is caused by unconscious aspects we have not seen and integrated yet. They are attached to belief systems, and the disempowerment of co-dependency – be it an attachment to people, to a currency, to a system or to a story. It is tempting to fall into ego-excuse patterns of why we are acting in a certain way, justifying our behaviour, because that is just how we are wired, and/or attack others for defense, and/or calling out „bullshit“ of others, to not have to look within.


Intuition comes straight through the heart. It is simply an energetic pull in a certain direction. A clear impulse we follow. Emotional intelligence with a deep knowing that’s right for me, without any doubt – although it might contradict the common understanding of moral of the dualistic society, and how things are handled and done in duality.

Our emotional intelligence can only come fully online, when we 

1) accept our feelings and emotional state of being fully as an energetic experience, without judgment or blame (towards self or others)

2) learn the mastery of alchemy by realizing the transformational power of emotions, by feeling our feelings without any story attached and with it seeing triggers as a gift,

3) have the awareness that hightened emotional states provide more potential and momentum that can be redirected into creativity/construction (instead of destruction).

Intuition often is distorted by our conditioning. It can easily be confused with the “gut feeling”, which is nothing but a physical amplification and reflex to the amygdala (the amygdala is the seat of our reptile brain/ego/programming of survival (fight, flight, freeze, appease). In a larger/multidimensional sense, it is our center of motivation. We can be motivated out of fear/lack (extrinsic), or we can be motivated out of joy/inspiration (intrinsic). 

With every process of alchemization through emotions, we rewrite the amygdala – and with it our source of motivation shifts. At some point, our amygdala/mind, and our gut feeling align with our intuition/heart. The result is a full body intuition, felt in every fiber and cell of our being. That is our emotional intelligence to navigate without any doubt. That is when we stop looking outside for any answers, because we just know that we always know what we need to know in the moment, and that we don’t need to know the future or rely on the past. 

Intuition (intelligence) is simple and spontaneous in the moment, a deep inner knowing. The mind (intellect) is complex and operates based on future scenarios and past memory in order to make a clever (rational) decision. While intuition opens us up to new unknowable ways, our intellectual mind will always go back to what it already knows to keep us in a duality loop. 

Intuition is found in zero-point, where empowered feminine (flow, chaos, compassion, nurturing, introspection, patience, receptivity, dedication, spaceholding, being), and empowered masculine (valor, direction, action, focus, structure, organizing, commitment, structuring, knowing) are in full equilibrium, co-creating seamlessly. 

We all need to learn to walk it alone completely, without needing, depending on, using or abusing others. We need to break through any attachment, belief, or co-dependency based on duality. Alone, we need to hit that point of exhaustion with duality and its old structures of power, fame and fortune/money. The point when we whole heartedly let go of any of the old ways, rules, and laws. We are simply done. And we fully immerse into trust and faith and let our heart take over. When we find full comfort in aloneness, ordinariness  and nothingness. When we truly operate from the inside out and are no longer influenced and pushed out of equilibrium by any outside distractions. 


It is the moment of a complete death. When we physically die, we take nothing with us but our essence. Non of our achievements, physical possessions, stories/narratives or loved ones come with us to cross over through the eye of the needle. We don’t take anything of our outside reality with us, the movie that we created for our own good and evolution in this lifetime.  

Now – this movie includes all the spiritual belief systems and stories, we are very often not aware of. The spiritual ego loves those narratives, because we feel we know the truth, we know and see more, we are enlightened, we have superpowers, we are on a mission to activate people and gridpoints or to fight the dark and evil forces, and we look down on all these unawakened sheeples. The spiritual ego develops an arrogance, and with it more separation. Be it between awakened/unawakened, between light and dark, the chosen ones/he lightworkers and the masses etc. Here we go again, playing power, fame and fortune/wisdom/enlightenment.

It takes a lot of courage, awareness and discernment to regognize and accept this conditioned aspect in us that operates on exactly the same duality pattern (co-dependencies, lack, conditional thinking and acting) as before. The moment we see it, we can transcend this separation, and experience true oneness with all. 

All of a sudden, we see that everyone is an aspect of US, exploring different parts of duality for the whole, to provide the wisdom gained in this experience for everyone to benefit from. People we meet are nothing but echoes of US. It is tough to accept and embrace especially those that are disturbing, annoying and hurting. 

Physical death usually occurs when the body is too exhausted or worn out to continue. The body/hardware stops functioning, our soul leaves, and chooses to continue the journey in another vehicle/incarnation. 

Physical death can also occur without the soul leaving the body. The body dies in parts and birthes in new parts with a new structure, adapting to our new frequency. We return to our innocence, freedom, playfulness and aliveness, step by step. The point of origin, the purity, from where we can create in completely new – to the human mind unknowable ways. 

Getting back to our innocence is an often very confusing and very painful process, as deepest layers of trauma are released that cannot cross over with you. At the same time we have all kinds of strange body symptoms and pain due to the restructuring that randomly come and go, combined with strangest cravings one day, and feeling puky and sick the next.

In parallel, our ego and our physical body memory fights hard for survival, it wants us to go back to known ways. It wants stability and a feeling of being safe. The ego/conditioned mind as well as the carbon-based body structure was designed as our navigation tool for duality after all. In order to leave duality, and access and co-create a whole new paradigm of unconditional love and oneness, we need to keep overwriting the fear programming in every single cell to actually unlock the true inner freedom we are. We learn to go into the direction where the resistance is felt, knowing that is where the door to true liberation is. 

We learn that emotional and physical triggers are true blessings in disguise, as they invite us to alchemize and transform the energy, and with it our reality to a completely new experience. 

It is also a natural part of the process that we find ourselves left with nothing but our essence. Stripped naked, no possessions, no people left – so we can experience the miracle that life always has our back and continues in magical ways, although our intellect ran out of ideas how to solve it or save us.

All of these reflections are my personal take away and learning from the experiment we called Camp Freedom. I am in awe for what we have co-created and how much we have discovered about this completely new world. 

Camp Freedom has shown to us the amazingness of what is possible, as well as where we have still limited ourselves. We have experienced what it means to be a learning superorganism, and that we are in community no matter if we are physically together or a-part. 

We have all been infected with the new.
We all knew it was the moment for us to move on in different directions for now, with deep respect and gratitude for the shared experience. 

I love and appreciate US so much. 


There are two flowering trees standing next to each other. Their branches are intertwined, and their fallen petals blend together on the ground in their beautiful colors. It is as if heaven and earth are bridged by love. But they stand individually, each rooted in the soil in their own connection with the earth. In this way, they represent the essence of true friends, mature, easy with each other, natural. 

There is no urgency about their connection, no neediness, no desire to change the other into something else. 

When you are ready for the passage into the quality of friendliness, you may notice that you are no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a higher, more loving quality born of fullness of experience. It is a birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectations or demands. 

First meditate (be present in the NOW), be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful, and being alone is also beautiful. Then it is simple, too. You don’t depend on others, and you don’t make others dependent on you. Then it is always a friendship, a friendliness. It never becomes a relationship, it is always a relatedness. You relate, but you don’t create a marriage. Marriage is out of fear, relatedness is out of love. You relate; as long as things are moving beautifully, you share. And if you see that the moment has come to depart  because your paths separate at this crossroad, you say good bye with great gratitude for all that the other has been to you, for all the joys and all the pleasures and all the beautiful moments that you have shared with the other. 

With no misery, with no pain, you simply separate. 



I can’t even say how many times I have died in only this lifetime. I’ve become really good at it. 

I went through so many cycles of death and rebirth. So much that was not „me“, not „my essence“ was dying off. Mental concepts, individual and collective non-spiritual and spiritual stories, emotional trauma and conditioning, all kinds of limiting beliefs I had about myself and the world, about relationships, about love, about good and bad, dark and evil, about lack and money and fame… I can’t even name all the things and stories and roles that I (or my ego) had identified with in order to have a sense of self and something that would define me, as ME. 

Countless times the ego tricked me back into new identities to attach to, new stories to believe and fully engage in, either making me feel minor or small, or more important and more powerful than others. The ego just needs this separation and comparison to even exist. Round after round, I died, I rebirthed, I died, I rebirthed. As the shy kid that had no friends in school, as the aggressive teenager that took what she wanted,  as the poor hotel employee that had a lot of extra jobs to make her living, as the good house wife, as the rebel anarchist punk girl groupie, as the university A-Student, as the professional badass Head of Corporate Communications and Marketing, as the mesmerizing public speaker, as the journalist, as the Twin Flame, as the Lightworker and Wayshower to save the planet, as the New Earth Prophet, the gridworker,  the Life Coach,  etc. etc. 

It did not matter which narrative and identity I chose, I did not end up feeling happy and fulfilled. I was still searching for something outside of me. Still attached to some hope or dream in the future. 

Until I died the death of identity in January this year. It all just fell off. Complete detachment. I could no longer plug into or engage in any story out there, or any story I had made up about me. It became so irrelevant and meaningless. I lost any interest in other people’s stories. My magnetics reversed and I was no longer driven by anything outside of me. I started creating from the inside out. 

That is when physical embodiment actually started. I could feel my physical body disintegrating. Time capsules that were stored in the cellular memory, like opening a compressed zip file exploded and released randomly, bubbles of deep cellular trauma from countless generations, collective identity and pain from the whole family lineage just bursted and brought me onto my physical knees again and again, into a phyisical exhaustion I had never felt before. There were no stories attached, just feeling emotions as the energy left. My body was changing shape and form every day, blowing up and then losing weight again. I could feel the whole cellular structure imploding, reordering and restructuring. Nerves were activating and electricity was running through my body. I often felt so sensitive as if I had no skin. Any physical touch was too much. It feels like the nervous system completely connected into the energetic system, and I needed to get used to this physical intensity of feeling. Old ways of enjoyment, be it food, sexuality, kissing, physical excitement (my favourite sports) became meaningless and boring.  

Step by step it took me back into the phyical zero-point before all creation started. I realized that everything that had kept us engaged in the old game is us trying and working harder for the goals our mind was choosing next. The carrot that kept us going. The moment we let go, and we actually go backwards, until we are that innocent child again before all conditioning happened, changes everything and speeds up our transformation in unprecedent ways. 

I am in a physical zero point now. A complete nothingness. Nothing to do, nothing to feel, nothing to look for, nothing to strive for, nothing to change, nothing to save. I am back in the womb, feeling a physical birth into a new world coming. Until then I am just floating and letting the inner transformation happen. I cannot plug into the old physical environment anymore. I have no interest in being in a city or in a house built in a linear way. I have no physical activity I feel I still need to accomplish before I can leave. No travels, no sports, no adventures, no places, no people to meet. Nothing to build in the old way. No desires, no wishes, no hopes, no dreams. Just NO-THING. The only thing left is the growth pain, as the shell and linear structures of my old physical body are changing and preparing for a new, unknown world outside this womb I am in. I feel an inner peace like never before. 

When I went through the death of identity, I wrote: „I am not sure if my physical body will come along“. 

I know now – it will. 


Zero point (now moment) is where timelines, narratives and whole worlds are born and where they collapse and implode. It is the origin, the source of all possibilities. As long as we engage (mentally, emotionally and physically) in timelines, narratives and worlds – we keep (re)creating them, based on what we already know (incl. akashic records).

The moment we can return to zero-point (mentally, emotionally and physically) without any attachments to a former creation, we are free and limitless.

I have gone all the way back to the origin. After many attempts of changing or shifting the world and people, I realized the impossibility of it. I had to completely crash. I had to lose everything and people I loved so much. I realized how attached I was to a certain outcome, to ideals, to people’s behaviour, and to certain ideas of how it all should be done.

I had to go all the way back, unravel every single conditioning, belief and comfort zone I had, and let it go. Until I came into full zero-point with a full inner trust that we cannot know how the new world is unfolding.

We have just begun to gather and align in zero-point, to then create a heart-centered world of unity. A world where we all know you are me and I am you and we all are.

I needed to be stripped naked, I had to learn that it is not only okay, but the healthiest and most liberating thing ever to be completely naked. No masks, no possessions, no expectations, no attachments, no mission, no needs or wants, no judgment, no opinion, no guilt or shame. Purity. Trust. All inner (and therefore outer) conflict collapsed into one.

Metatron and Lucifer reunite within as we integrate all of our own shadows, doubts and fears. Until then, until we remember our oneness, until we remember the origin, the source, the zero-point, we all keep playing angel and devil for each other. Individually and collectively.

It was then, and only then – when I was able to let go of a dysfunctional relationship with the now moment as it presented itself, feeling at peace with it no matter what, trusting and knowing that it is happening for me, and that I can create and collapse realities from this inner place. The only difference between re-creation and collapse is a reaction vs. a reflection.

All that is left is joy, play, curiosity, unity, innocence and an absolute knowing that nothing will be the same, and that the limits I have perceived were only conditions placed into my mind and body.

The only mission there is is enjoying life, and be YOU. Sharing your essence with all these wonderful, beautiful different aspects of you. You are me, I am you. We all are.
All we know is that we know nothing. We all meet in zero-point – collapsing into one.

We are no longer listening to (akashic)records. We are recording.

“To be original – you have to go back to the origin” ~ Antoní Gaudí

Camp Freedom, Mt. Shasta/California/Planet Earth


Everyone wants to be a butterfly, but almost no one wants to go through the pain-full transformation….

What if we looked at pain with a whole different perspective? What if we made it our friend?

Pain tells us when something wants to align, it alerts us that there is something to look at. It screams louder when we ignore it and when we move further away from our inner balance.

Pain does not want to hurt us, it is our energetic and our physical body communicating with us. It comes in many forms, be it mental, emotional, physical or spiritual.

Many people do almost anything to distract themselves from pain, because we have learned that pain in something bad and unhealthy, something that makes you weak, and something to be afraid of and be worried about. They are trying to control and defeat it.

Other people are so in love with their pain story that they get addicted to it. Being a victim at least offers some attention and comfort of others. They are trying to manipulate people into their drama.

Both ways represent an unhealthy relationship with pain.
Whether we ignore it, we fight it, we numb it, we try to push through it, we project it onto other people or circumstances, whether we find excuses for it and/or identify with stories to explain the pain or to receive attention, we are not accepting it and are not listening carefully to it.

Pain is the best and most challenging teacher to accept and love the NOW moment. To surrender and to embrace what wants to be seen, heard, and felt.

Yet, we have learned to escape the NOW, to escape our pain and not take responsibility for it. So we keep on moving further out of balance.

The moment we appreciate pain as a part of us that wants to support us and show us something, when we start understanding this language, pain becomes our best friend.

Pain is loving us unconditionally and patiently, whether we listen or not. It keeps sending its signals as reminders to love ourselves. To put ourselves first. To make necessary changes to re-establish our inner balance. For our inner return to self-love.

Pain does not hurt us, it does not make us suffer, unless we attach a story to it.

Pain is our best friend reminding us of our potential and showing us the door to our essence and truth. It teaches us to not compromise our essence for the sake of survival, for being accepted and loved.

Pain is our growth agent, our personal cheerleader to expand, to transform, and to return to ourselves and our inner peace. To be the butterfly we are meant to be.


An Awakening Summary

In Germany, we have this saying: Peace, Joy and Pancakes“ (Friede, Freude, Eierkuchen), which expresses an only superficially intact, seemingly peaceful and worry-free facade within a society.
We often use it to express that issues are ignored and repressed, instead of looking at them and solving them. In short: To ignore all the sh*t we have swept under the carpet so we don’t have to see it.

I was reminded of this expression by my dad, when he sent me an email reply the other day. I had shared our experiences in Camp Freedom with him:

„The atmosphere and mood in our camp is awesome. Although we are all going through our waves of letting go on the deepest physical levels, which involves going through the pain with screams and tears, we also have a lot of laughter and fun, and we hold space for each other of being nourished and cared for. We all feel very connected through our hearts, and we share the vision of a new world.“

He replied:

„It is really exciting to read what is happening in your camp. Certainly, not everything is „peace, joy and pancakes“ in such a community, but you have a common vision that strengthens your co-creation and coherence/team spirit and is setting free positive energy.

I could not do anything else but smile. Wow, yes – indeed, non of our „issues“ are ignored, they are playing out brutifully, to enable us to completely transform any linear construct that is still stored in the cells, we ever had resonated with. At the same time, we do have a lot of flow and positive energy going, resulting in so much fun, so much deep connectedness and beautiful co-creations.

This German saying inspired me to look back onto our individual awakening journeys, and how we are encountering these choice points in life that we return to, until we see our looping pattern. Points at which we until now had unconsciously applied our learned strategies to avoid pain and to receive love. People pleasing, excuses, explanations, problem fixing, submission, building up pressure, attacking or running away … etc. And each time we do so, we are violating and hurting our essence, our true inner core. „Oh, sure, it’s all peace, joy and pancakes, don’t worry.“ Gosh do we feel yuck inside. Step by step, we become aware of our patterns, we start to learn what self-love and boundaries mean (not in a ego sense of „me safe first on cost of others“, and putting up protective/controlling walls, but in a way of self-care and awareness).

We are all hitting a point individually, where we can no longer play superficially nice, living in „Pleasantville“, and act according to limiting morals, laws, and societal standards, that are forcing us to be someone we are not. Continuing with „oh sure, it is all peace, joy and pancakes, let’s have a cup of tea, shall we?“ is just no longer an option. The feeling of „yuck“ has become too ugly to still be ignored, and our thirst for freedom is bigger than the need for security. It is when we outgrow societies limitations, when it starts to hurt to make yourself small / to act against your essence for a job, an income, some attention, sex, status, security….

We are all hitting a point individually, when we get tired of all the repetitive stuff that keeps showing up in our reality. When we see the loop we’re in. When we understand, that we are projecting our own fears and conditioning onto others or onto situations. When we judge, when we divide in right and wrong, when we want to make people see what we see, when we want to convince others of our hard won truth, when we want to change the world and people’s behaviour, when we are waiting for people/or other beings to save us, when we expect „the event“ to happen etc.. We are screaming: „Can’t you see that it is not all peace, joy and pancakes?!?, Wake the F*ck up!“ We are exhausted, because our mission seems to not be supported by people the way it should be, and we do not get the resources to make it happen as we believed we should receive them, because we are working so hard for humanity. Pure Martyrdom. Just another form of people pleasing and saviour mentality of co-dependency. This leads us to realize that our perceived reality is nothing but a reflection of our own state of being/ our own energetic vibration. ALWAYS. We start seeing, that maybe not everything within us is „peace, joy and pancakes“.

Eventually we all hit that point when we realize that we need to look at all the sh*t, our own denied shadows under our own carpet, and stop pretending it is all „peace, joy and pancakes“. We all realize at some point, that wrapping everything in infinite blessings of the heart and divine love and light of oneness and garnish it with a pinch of gratitude and extra dressing of sacred purpose, does not make the deep inner pain, disappointment, frustration and longing go away. We really start seeing ourselves, our perfect perceived imperfection, the perfection of this whole awakening process and how everything is so well orchestrated and reliable in its structure, dynamics, cycles and timing – that not even a swiss watch can keep up with it.

Thankfully, we are so exhausted that we just surrender. We no longer try to solve it. We no longer identify with anything. Our ego „dies“, there are no attachments left to any story, role, mission, ideology, theory etc. We come to a big AHA-Moment: The way we perceive the world is always our own creation in every moment. We are an actor in our own movie, which we are perfectly designing for us and our own evolution. Every trigger, every situation, every encounter, serves our own expansion and growth. EVERYTHING is our own creation. EVERYTHING is a narrative/a story, we had been engaging in to see our looping patterns and our (earthly and/or spiritual) conditioning/beliefs. EVERYTHING is part of the ALL. Everyone is playing their part exactly as needed (which is most of the time not what we/our ego wanted). The illusion of separation and lack disappears. We fully trust ourselves and our own creation, and are going with that flow. We are no longer afraid of any consequences, because we are no longer afraid of our own power.

After the complete „Death of Identities“, we truly feel „peace, joy and pancakes“ inside of us, energetically. We are free of any beliefs. Our mental and emotional state is in a permanent state of zero-point, and just moves from moment to moment, following impulses. This is when we naturally start gravitating towards physical community. Subconsciously we already know that the individual journey is over, and we now „need“ community, to further expand and grow collectively. Our physical body needs intense physical triggers in permanent real life community, to actually transform our physical linear/carbon based structure to an organic structure. This includes a lot of physical body „work“ to go into the deep layers of our physical conditioning that we have inherited from our whole family lineage. Emotional „time capsules“, go off, layer by layer. They are not explosive as emotional breakouts are, actually, it is like goo that slowly works itself up to the surface, until it finally releases. We have had so many releases physically here in Camp Freedom, each one of us individually, all deep conditioning around lack, separation, self-worth, not being seen, entitlement, possessions, co-dependencies etc. So much anger and grief that we individually processed and transformed, while being held by our own inner peace of our energetic being, as well as by the unconditional love of our community.

When we are not going through a transformational wave, we play a lot. We feel a peaceful alignment, lots of joy when we „trial and error“ of living our absolicious life together. Everyone is sharing inspirations, ideas, knowledge, tools and toys, etc. The creativity is limitless, whether it is „The absolicious White House“ community space, a natural fridge, a pizza oven, the new website structure and content, water turbine installations for electricity, hot stone massage with river stones, a wood table for co-creative sessions, mountain explorations with the dogs, etc. And sometimes, we have pancakes for breakfast, cooked on the firepit.

Although we have those moments already, it certainly is not always all „peace, joy and pancakes“ as we dance this dance of alignment together, and we sometimes crash like rough rocks onto each other to harmonize and round our linear edges. At the same time, non of us would want to go back to old ways. We love our community life. We all know that this is the BEST THING EVER happening, and the true freedom from linearity and cause and effect that we experience is nothing you could describe. You gotta feel it with your whole being! Together, we become lighter and lighter, and are more and more truly embodying our essence and unconditional living and sharing, as we are becoming one unit, one organism being and doing/creating together. It is absolicious!

Each moment we experience together has more of shared „peace, joy, and pancakes“.


Lately, I have a hard time finding linear words for the multidimensional experiences that have become the new normal for me. I am seeing and feeling ALL, everything and nothing relating to everything and nothing. Ever since all attachments and identities have transformed into oneness, I find it sometimes close to impossible to represent the individual aspect I AM in a linear way.
There is no difference of me and ALL other than the physicality that is still perceived as a separate entity by most people. Which it is actually not. Nothing is separated, everything co-creates permanently, even when we still carry the illusion of separation, personal achievement, heroes, victim and perpetrator stories etc.

The DNA carries ALL within, ALL is accessible within. Each dimension and experience is (co)-created from within – individually and collectively. Everything is shifted from within. Nothing and no one can be changed in our outside world. Higher dimensional wisdom has nothing to do with going up, it has all to do with going within. Owning the creation and co-creation of ALL.

The DNA just amplifies specific focal points that make this human vessel really good at and enjoy certain things, tasks, over others, while other individual aspects have different focal points. A perfect puzzle piece in the overall organism of ALL.

This morning I woke up after a very cold night out here in the desert. Once more I am realizing how being in nature 24/7 accelerates the dismantling of the old linear, limiting co-dependent architecture of “my” human vessel. Simply because it has no “familiar linear structure” around to hold on to.
A true and painful physical liberation of anything this body believed it was, based on the body memory held in its cellular memory, giving it the illusion of past and future as reference points for its existence and identity. It is a letting go of physical identity, of the limiting cage the architecture kept it trapped in.

A huge memory and physical attachment to identifying with a place as a home and safety with a community of people I felt so close to, had already released last week (that place being represented by Amsterdam in my case) from my left side, specifically from the connection between hip and knee.
I was feeling such grief while this time capsule of body memory left. And so much lighter afterwards. The feeling of an inner home replaced the attachment to an outer home.
It seems like these physical releases literally shift gravity for us.
The days after, I felt like a floating blob, I had a hard time navigating this physical body. Everything felt different. I really needed to get used to a piece of new architecture.

This morning another big chunk of body memory had worked its way up to the surface to come out. This time the right side, also between hip and knee. I was 5 years old again. Feeling so lonely and sad. Not understanding any of this human game. My soul and integrity was still so strong at that time, although my physical body was set up in the old limiting architecture. I brought the puzzle piece in of a completely different world based on unconditional love and oneness. It was so clear to me from early on, how that would feel and look like, but my physical body and the linear mind that came with it, programmed with separation, mistrust and lack, could not correctly read or translate this template into a human language, which should stay like that for many many years. Even when I started implementing new ways in my corporate career, and after that when I started writing about it, I experienced this feeling of loneliness and not being understood in something that was so natural and logical for me again and again. Anger was a permanent companion of mine, paired with the nagging question, wtf am I doing here?
It felt schizophrenic, as the soul went the opposite way of the rest of my human identity. The more I got sucked into the human game of duality and separation, the more this schizophrenia became just a subconscious feeling that kept me feeling out of center without a clear knowing why.
It should stay that way until I woke up, and I remembered ALL more and more consciously.
The more I unconditioned my energetic field, the more I remembered. I could see the truth with unfiltered eyes. I started to understand that – in linear terms – I was way ahead of my time. I saw that the linear architecture I still carried was fighting against me, not wanting to leave the known comfort zone of the human game rules and dynamics. It kept trying to trick me back into the ‘normal’. Until ALL took over and I jumped into one unknowable after the other. Breaking down and breaking through many times. Going through many dark nights of the soul to shake of everything that was not my individual essence.
Until a complete death of identity happened energetically. With it all attachments (which are identities) were gone. There was no more past or future. Not even a desire. Not a thought on what will be tomorrow. A childlike state of wonder, curiosity and awe. Just here and now, with what is right in front of me. A love affair and communion with each moment, seeing the beauty in it. Gratitude, playfulness and community are accompanying me and ALL is nourishing me with everything that is needed from moment to moment. The puzzle piece I brought has activated and it all grows organically and naturally. It is so beautiful to actually experience an unconditional world. It is a small camp in Arizona for now, but it sure will expand and grow organically. Hand in hand with aligned people, with nature, the universe and ALL. As we all remember we are ALL, each with our unique unconditional sharing essence, our unique puzzle piece for a new game in oneness.
As we all let go of the old architecture that dictated lack, mistrust and separation, we all are starting to embody the new, activating in the perfect moment.

In my current NOW, the physical body is still catching up and transforming its archtiectural set up. With every big chunk of memory release, more lightness is physically felt and seen and more of the new organic multidimensional architecture and abilities are integrated. Mama Nature and our little organism are the perfect spaceholders here for all of us in Camp Freedom.

The texts I share are always based in my own experience and observations. By no means I am claiming this to be the ultimate truth. I encourage everyone to find their own truth and to be open to it changing as new information integrates.
As this is universal wisdom of us ALL, I do not claim any copyright. Feel free to utilize and share, as long as you keep the text complete as it is so it keeps its energetic signature. Thanks Vera


Who would have thought, how quickly the world can be turned upside down. We are witnessing a lot of fear and panic, as the comfort zone of the whole collective has been basically deleted. We are collectively facing “the unknowable”. 

We can observe a lot of doubt in the field, as our foundations are shaking, whether in the 3D earthly collective or in the 4D spiritual collective. 

Doubt – as everything in duality – has two sides to it. It can lead to sheer panic, and an outer search to confirm one’s belief systems, to calm our mind so it can continue to be right, to keep ourselves distracted and busy, …to escape the current reality,  be it conspiracy, be it dystopian scenarios, be it savior narratives, (the government, the businesses, the FED, ETs, Nessara, the Angels etc), be it alcohol/drugs or other addictions… 

Or – it can lead into an exploration of the inner world. Feeling into what this is showing to me as an individual, my resistances, my expectations, my fears, my judgments, my blaming, my guilt,… 

Showing to us what our collective fears are, as a result of our collective co-creation (including the virus) of the world of today. There is no one to blame – as we have all participated and played that game and kept it alive with it. 

The situation invites us to re-think and re-feel everything we thought to be true. To contemplate on our lives and how we have been living.

It invites us to step out of the world as it was until today collectively, to make space for new ways, new ideas, new inspiration. 

The situation creates the necessary space to not be distracted and busy all the time. To remember and to focus on what is the true value is in life. We have been so busy chasing money, success, attention and “love” (conditional), and no matter how far we got, it was never enough and we unconsciously cultivated greed and competition. 

We forgot what is really important, and what we actually desire: unconditional love, self-care, rest, community, partnership, creativity, sharing, caring for each other, playing, nature, art, joy, inner peace and being allowed to be who we are, without having to compromise on our essence. 

This halt is a huge opportunity for humanity to shift into a new paradigm. We are growing up to be childlike again. To drop all the seriousness, the greed, the need to protect, the need to own, the need to fight for or against, the need to be right, the need to be the best, the comparison, etc. Living in the moment with our hearts open, taking it as it comes. Rediscovering and plugging into our connection to everyone and everything in this Universe, align with the universal/natural/organic cycles and dynamics.  Remembering that each one of us has a major effect on the collective experience and reality (butterfly effect, 100 monkey effect).

This situation invites us to be brave to go new ways, and embark on a quest to our absolute version. Facing and embracing our fears and our emotions that come with it. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and drop the armor we have been put around our hearts. Allowing ourselves to let go of any belief systems that kept us trapped in a loop of separation, judgment, guilt, shame, blame, expectations and needing to be right. We are invited to transform all differences and opinion into an appreciation of diversity and the essence of everyone beyond their conditioning, be it religious, political, relationships, sex, business, finances, economy, education, technology, spiritual, conspiracy and so on. All of them are linear storylines/narratives based on duality/co-dependency, we chose to play. The moment we got attached to them with our linear mind, they formed a belief system. 

The new world is about writing new organic narratives based on oneness and unconditional living that we play from the heart. 

We are in a choice point/zero-point as each individual: Do I focus on the outside world, factors, narratives and drama, to continue playing duality, or do I focus on my inner world, to transform conditioning/fear that I still carry within. Do I take responsibility, or do I project my lack of responsibility onto others? Do I own my part in this or do I give my power away to a narrative? 

The moment we detach from any outside narrative, we are free. We are unconditional. 

The new world is available, right here, right now. You carry it all within. Time for spring cleaning in our inner paradigm, and release and transform what has served its purpose and is no longer relevant. 

* Amazing Art by Sean Bodley


I am having very beautiful and interesting conversations with my Dad within the past weeks. 
It is like sending letters between dimensions, and I love to observe, and learn from it, and I felt like sharing these conversations. Realities can look so differently, depending on our perspective! 

Dearest Vera,

with some surprise we read your last Fast Forward newsletter.
Somehow your original plans and ideas seem to have ended with the Brazil adventure. 
Do you really think that you can just press the reset button and it creates a new world,
based on simplicity and play?
This is of course a fantastic dream that borders on being a fairytale. So you think that – in contrast to Christian teaching – you could create heaven or paradise on earth.
It is clear to me that mankind has been trying to optimize their lives here on earth for a very long time. The consequences of this can be clearly felt. Environmental degradation, climate change, population explosion and unprecedented global tourism are the results of this behavior. Nobody can excuse themselves: we are both perpetrators and victims. It seems to me very questionable whether you can prevent this with your new path. It might be possible that you can reach a small part of the people with it.
The saying of the Swiss philosopher Galli fits this topic:
“How often do you have to make the same mistake over and over again until you realize that you always make the same mistake again and again.”
Please don’t get it wrong. You have to go your own way and if you feel happy doing that, that’s fine. However, you are still dependent on the benevolence of other people after you have left your solid foundations and hovered relatively unsecured over this planet that you want to save – a noble goal!
So now we wish you all the best and all the best and stay healthy.
Your Dad


Dearest Dad,
Thank you for your message and your critical consideration. I do not expect you to understand us, and I feel the cognitive dissonance that our doing creates for you, because it does not match your worldview and belief system. The old world and the old system cannot be saved because – as Galli says: “How often do you have to make the same mistake again and again until you realize that you are always making the same mistake again and again?”
Let me add Einstein: “You can never solve problems with the same mindset that created them.”
We have a different perspective on things, and we see humanity spinning in a circle, because nobody wants to leave their comfort zone, and nobody can imagine that a world and a system can look very different.
Christian teaching has been misinterpreted in many ways, and beliefs persist. So stubbornly that it contributes to more conflicts, wars and separation from the human organism. If people understood the real meaning of the teachings of Jesus, there would be no religions …
“Man himself is the creator of his heaven or hell, and there are no demons other than his own foolishness.” Eliphas Levi.
We create our own reality and we recreate it through our own view of things, individually and collectively.
Sure, everyone is a victim and a perpetrator, and yet nobody wants to break the vicious cycle. The old world goes into the abyss all by itself, and everyone who plays the old monopoly game of capitalism shares responsibility. No matter how many beautiful and stubborn lip services are said, nothing helps. As long as we are more in the service of money and make ourselves dependent on this illusory power instead of trusting each other and putting our actions together as one organism in the service of nature in order to live in harmony with natural cycles and dynamics, we pay the bill for it. That may sound harsh – but the intelligence of the universe and nature follows irrefutable physical laws, and knows exactly how to shake off parasites that only take, and give nothing in return because of greed, avarice, competition and separation from the whole. This is the principle of duality when polarity is split and works against each other. Cause and effect. Karma … What I or the collective causes, strikes back with the same force.
The corona virus and the fires in Australia are certainly only the beginning of this transformation and natural selection.
We don’t want to convince anyone, we don’t want to save the old world and the old system. There is nothing to save.
We’re creating a new inspiring world, and even if it doesn’t become more than a Noah’s ark, that’s enough. And if not – for us there is nothing in the old world that keeps us there. We have no survival instinct out of fear that keeps as many people so attached to security anchors as insurance, regular income, etc.
We act out of unconditional love and compassion, and everyone is invited to break new ground with us. But we also know that not everyone can and will come along these new paths. As paradoxical as it is, the fear of unconditional love is huge, due to the many fear conditionings that we have taken up and internalized in our life.
If we can make this world available for the children of tomorrow, then our existence has paid off twice. And if not – at least we didn’t play the old game, researched, found and shared new ways, and are therefore neither perpetrators nor victims.
Whatever happens, we love you and we wish you a life always led from the heart.
Vera and Agustí


Dearest Vera,
Thank you for your extensive comments on the goals of your movement and the long overdue transformation of our world.
I’m not that optimistic. We have declared war on nature and I think we will be the losers. You know that I’ve always been concerned about the state of our environment.
“Humans have already achieved a great deal with technology, but they are striving to make further progress. The many technical innovations have a very negative impact on the course of nature. Some meadows, some forests have already fallen victim to them. The vegetation is being changed and restricted and poisoned. Cities and industry emerge on the cleared forest and the Mesch sits right in the middle. The state of health of people is deteriorating and many of the current diseases are happening due to this contamination. Small fluctuations in the natural balance of the earth indicate this. These will become apparent but enlarge if there is no stop. “
Who wrote that? I was at the tender age of 18 in a class essay on the impact of technology on nature. The ignorance of my German teacher made itself felt in the grading: 4.5! (D-)
Unfortunately, my ideas at the time are far exceeded.
We can only hope and wish that global rethinking begins and people recognize their “foolishness”.
Otherwise we wish you enough strength and stamina on your chosen path.
All my love


Dearest Dad,
Thank you also for your view of the world. You are on the dystopian track, we are on the utopian track. Both are real scenarios, depending on what perspective we take and how willing we are to change ourselves and our behavior. For me, technology is not the problem, technology including AI only follows the behavior and value system with which it is used. Limitless growth, return expectations, greed, avarice and an illusory understanding of security in money and possessions is what makes this monster grow every day. And almost everyone is watching, because nobody wants to give up their own comfort zone or “quality of life” and is waiting for someone else to fix it. Technology could be used quite differently to actually create harmony at all levels.
We just have to be very honest with ourselves, where we focus our attention, where we invest and use our money, that is what grows in our reality. String Theory …. if we put quantum physics more in relation to ourselves – many things would be easier to understand.
The only thing that brings about a change is a change of every individual inside. Do I keep playing the old game, or do I play a new game that runs in harmony with nature instead of against nature. A change to a lifestyle of unconditional love instead of a fear-driven one. Each and every one of us can make this decision or not – and thus contribute constructively to something new, or continue to contribute destructively to the destruction. We have the key within us.
It looks like the next step will take us to the United States, right to the root of capitalism and its extreme excesses.
We’ll keep you up to date.
We love you
Vera & Agustí

Dearest Vera,
We survived the first part of the hurricane, and of course hope that we will be spared.
Unfortunately, such weather conditions will become more frequent if not rethought accordingly.
We agree with you on many points as the situation becomes more and more threatening.
“There is a shortage of people to do the hopeless”. This statement comes from Hans Magnus Enzensberger, who wrote impressive poems as a young man. “What have I lost here on this Aryan scrap heap, where the calendar full of impotence and stress tears itself off and the weariness bites into the embroidered hunger cloth – welcome to the cozy misery!
This violence has fascinated me as a teenager and has been with me to this day.
There have been many warnings and Kassandra calls, but humanity stands in the way of itself. Your wishes coincide with ours, but only a few are willing to do the hopeless.
We wish you good luck and, above all, success for your America mission. It seems that to achieve something you have to venture into the lion’s den.
All my love

Dearest Dad,
The key is that we, as human beings, see ourselves again as a family, as an interdependent superorganism that has forgotten itself and is seriously ill with cancer. We do the “hopeless”, which for us is the only prospect of a new world that has nothing to do with the old one. Indeed, a junk heap where humanity has made itself comfortable in its misery.
As I said, words, no matter how powerful, alone do not change anything. We stick to the motto “Walk the Talk” and inspire with a completely different way of life. In the United States, it looks like our approach falls on fertile ground. We already have a lot of conversations, this time not because we are trying to achieve something or convince people – this time people and organizations are approaching us. We’ll see what it entails.
We are currently organizing our trip, as well as that of our two dogs – who will fly from Brazil to the USA. We are grateful that our friends in Brazil are making the reunion in the USA with them possible. Our plane tickets are also sponsored/fundraised by people who love us, and the puzzle pieces we bring. It is so beautiful to experience that the principle of unconditional sharing (which is the basic principle of nature / ecology) is embodied more and more. 
We wish you the right decisions and an open heart for the coming time.
All our love
Vera and Agustí

*Amazing Art by Michal Kváč


About Oneness and Self-Sourcing

I feel so inspired today to share all these epiphanies I had during the past days. When I sat at the beach today, listening to a track of Oracle Girl about Self-Sourcing, all pieces fell into place. It was the first time I had opened up to assistance from someone „out there“, since a long time. I’ll get back to that later and how significant this was for me. This text basically is a co-creation with oracle girl, so thank you very much for this „code-sharing“! 
Ever since my physical body was basically locked into the purgatory space / the void, it is amazing what is happening. While the whole outside reality falls apart, and I am basically reaching the reset to zero on all physically visible levels / zero-point (zero movement, zero funds, zero data on the phone, zero physical social contact other than with Agustí who is going through a similar process, zero everything that somehow mattered to „survive“ for the physical body). 

The physical body is literally being locked in, and not able to escape the transformation any longer. No distractions. Whether it likes it or not, it is forced to sit with all the pain and fear of survival. Any cellular memory held within shows up with full force. Eckhard Tolle would speak about the pain body being in rage because it does not get any fuel to feed from an external source. It screams, wants to prompt me into finding solutions, begging someone out there for help, so we can afford or find us a home, to buy some food, to buy a ticket to somehwere, to have someone taking care of us, to find a job,…. endless screaming and spiraling, the physical trapped in a cage, going through a very intense form of excorcism. Every pattern still held in the cells is shown to be transformed. The physical body goes through waves of intense anger, resistance and then surrender again at a ridiculous rate. Each time that I catch myself having my focus mentally in past or future, emotionally on some world drama taking place, physically on a pain I experience, or spiritually calling to the heavens for help, I bring myself back into my physical body. Right here, right now. I completely tune into the feeling and physical experience of „I AM pure unconditional love“. This leads to an emotional release, and after that stillness, and becoming one with the void that felt so uncomfortable before. 

In those phases of stillness, of being here and now, creativity is so high, and creation is effortless. It flows through me, and beautiful designs and texts are just manifesting in front of me – I can’t even say how. Agustí and I co-create with that same effortlessness. It is magical. 

In those phases of stillness, I see it all with a clarity like never before. I see now that our physical body has been the missing piece to all of our questions. No wonder there are so many spiritual distractions out there, guiding us away from our physicality. It keeps us numb and paralyzed in the physical realm, as we basically disconnect and spend our time in higher realms. We are still following old patterns/spiritual belief systems, in our actions, or we completely deny action. Action and reflection go hand in hand. Of course, you can go higher and higher and higher, and tune into more and more and more information – but nothing will ever manifest or happen, when we do not focus and take inspired action at some point. If we enjoy „just being“ and reading information, although we have an amazing physical tool available – perfect! I know that is not where „my“ experience ends in this cycle.


How often do we say „with light and love“, or we are sending „light and love“ – are we really aware though what this actually means? Actually, until today, we have been mostly light OR love. 

Light is Consciousness – it is information, the masculine – Waves of light.
Love is Life Force – it is creativity, the feminine – Waves of sound. 

When they are separated – they don’t do much on their own. So far, we had embodied this separation – that is why we needed co-dependency and conditions/contracts/guarantees etc. in the physical form, to make sure we get enough light, or we get enough love (depending if we were set up with more masculine or more feminine energetic make up.) 

When they reunite, the same polarity creates unity instead of separation. And where do they reunite? Exactly: In the physical body. Within us. The physical body is our most powerful tool to create, and co-create, and it is our direct connection to unconditional love. 

Our consciousness reads pure light into our system and body (spiritual body, mental body, emotional body, physical body) and it reads it into our momentary set up of programming/patterning we have on all of these levels. The output is a distorted version of the information, interpreted and projected into our outside reality through our physical form, carrying those patterns. 

Consciousness does not transform anything! It just provides data/information. No matter what source of information we tap into – the angelic realms, the dragon realms, the galactic realms, the elemental realms, the underworld… – These are all sources that can bring us a lot of information, insights and power, and the lower we go, the more endless pain they can bring, but they keep us in a loop of duality, relying on an outer force or fighting against an outer force, and they keep being distorted in our reality field. They put us in a sort of physical paralysis and keep us in a separation of the spiritual and physical realm. 

Our open heart center reads pure love / life force into our system and body. And this is where it gets uncomfortable. It is why so many lock down their hearts again after such an intense experience of pure unconditional love. Our set up of programming in that moment cannot handle it. Life force is sound waves that make you remember your unique melody. Your unique essence. It works through your whole body (physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually), starting to repattern everything, by first unlocking the old patterns, to transport them out through emotional expression (which can get very messy and painful – especially in the beginning, when we still attach stories or belief systems to them/as the mental body is not cleansed completely). Life force purifies the whole system and at last the physical body, when we have energetically detached / unplugged from all sources outside of us. This does not only mean from other people or institutions we have been dependent on in the physical realm, it includes our guides, our higher self, our soul monad, our guardian angels, our galactic family, etc…. As we cleanse our system and patterning, and our belief/program of „outside in dynamics“ disappears, we realize how fragmented our physical existence was – spread into other sources in an illusion of human, and/or spiritual co-dependency. Each time we transmute a pattern, we reintegrate parts of these fractals physically, until we become fully self-sourcing (inner reunion of light and love/ masculine and feminine), and our magnetics shift to „inside out“. 


Man, there is so much confusion about what is self-sourcing. Of course – because the information is read through our old patterning of separation. So we define self-sourcing as having our own income and being independent from others. A friend of mine told me yesterday (I love you so much H.!), that she realized, the pride she had worn in being independent, and being able to do it on her own was actually a badge of separation. Oops.. yup #metoo… I was not really open for anyone to assist or share, unless I did not have any other choice anymore but to take it. I am very grateful I have overcome this resistance with oracle girl, it unlocked a whole new level of understanding and embodiment for me. This has really transformed this „pride“.

Yes, that is so true. With our pride, needing to define our strength and our value, we fall into another loop of separation – and… co-dependence. Because we need another source / a separate unit to pay for our worth/value and contribution. We are sourcing outside/in. Or – we wait for the galactics, the guides, the guardians in the spiritual realm – or the wayshowers, the gatekeepers etc. on the earthly realm to solve it for us: Co-dependency. We are compromising on our essence and our inner power, and we take pride in being the hero – doing it on our own, either just for us, or for the collective. (masculine), or to lean back and wait for others to do the job (feminine). 

So what the heck is SELF-SOURCING then? Self sourcing is to be directly connected through our physical body to our essence. The physical body is our vehicle to experience, feel,embody and express the alchemical marriage of light and love on all levels: Spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. We receive pure information, we speak with pure words, we feel with purity, and we act from our pure essence. We are and we act unconditionally: We share unconditionally – as conditions can only exist in the illusion of separation and lack. We are fully open to share unconditionally, and we are fully open to let others share with us unconditionally, as we feel no longer any separation and therefore co-dependency with „out there“. 

It is the dynamic of „inside out“. When we have physically reformed and repatterned our whole system – when the whole geometry is changed, we can read light/information with purity, and life force can flow through us effortlessly. That is inner reunion. That is self-sourcing / connected to our essence, our unique melody and to our higher mind/intelligence. Mind, heart and physical body co-create effortlessly. We are bringing in our piece to the puzzle with purity. As all patterns of separation dissolve, we synchronize, connect and gather with people who are vibing on this same pure frequency of oneness. We share, because we know we are all one aspect of the whole manifest in physical form / and we all bring a piece of the puzzle to co-create. We are no longer co-dependent. We are interdependent because we know we are not meant to do it alone, and sitting around waiting for someone else to solve it is not the solution either. We realize that the whole battle for survival between darkness and light was nothing but our own split of light and love within, manifest in the outside reality. 
Self-Sourcing means, that we take our place in the bigger picture of this organism of non-physical and physical aspects (humanity, earth, the universe, the galactics, the angelics, animals, plants, the elementals, rocks, water, the minerals etc.), and we effortlessly co-create a completely new realm of physical reality in unity. Each and everyone from the inside out. WE ARE I AM.

The „claim“ of my former website „The Wake Up Experience“ can finally be read without any distortion: „Be love, and share“. Be love (Embody unconditional love, be connected to your essence) and share (your puzzle pieces, your talents, gifts, abilities, energetic and physical resources). 
What a wonderful world this will be.

I keep enjoying the purgatory, as I go through this physical shift. 
I am so excited for what is already building up. 

I love you! 
I am love. 
I share.


Neo: You helped me get here, but my question is why? Where does this go? Where does it end?
The Oracle: I don’t know.
Neo: You don’t know or you won’t tell me?
Oracle: I told you before. No one can see beyond a choice they don’t understand, and I mean no one.
(The Matrix Reloaded)

Choices exist as long as we are separated from Source. 
The heart always automatically “chooses” the path for the highest outcome to the benefit of you/all. The heart reads and operates from “real-time zero point data”, which means it is always fully present in the now-moment. It is unconditional in all ways, as it does not relate to duality and its “cause and effect”. 

The ego mind only reads memory/past data/akash and projects it into past and future, creating conditions based on separation and cause and effect. (If this, then that…) 

The illusion of choices (that are not really choices, as no matter which ego-mind made scenario you choose, it will keep you in a loop) drops away, the moment you are able to keep your heart open at all times. 

The fearful, mistrusting ego-mind does not understand the “choices” of the heart (impulses), and tries to prevent and fight against them. It can only relate to things it knows, has experienced before and projects onto people, situations into the future as possible scenarios. 
The ego-mind only comes up, when you are separated (when your heart is closed (again)). 

The higher mind on the other hand, trusts, accepts, supports and co-creates with the heart fully, with its ability of bringing through brilliant ideas and inspirations. 

With every heart impulse we follow, we open up to the quantum field of magic, of the unknowable, of the unthinkable ways and possibilities. The field in which we read energy through feeling, not thinking. 

We experience immense cognitive dissonances and challenges as long as our heart does not remain open and the ego mind activates again. It then tries to find solutions to protect/survive for a “choice” made by the heart, in an old way, based on memory. 

The more we learn to trust these impulses, the more they are experienced as a permanent deep inner knowing and flow. At some point there is no more “choice” but following those impulses, no matter how absurd/foolish it may seem to others. Because you know without knowing – this is the way. When we are acting fully aligned with the impulses, we embody oneness, we embody unconditional love and sharing. 

When heart and higher mind co-create permanently, you know an irreversible alchemy has taken place. You are no longer able to not be present in the moment. Memory only comes up when it serves the impulse and creation in the moment. It has no longer any emotional attachments/control that would keep you with regrets/depression in the past or with anxiety in the future. 

You. Here and now. Aligned with and connected to the hearts of those that have gone through this inner shift as well. Ready to share and co-create unconditionally as one. Ready to play together. Free, effortless and childlike full of wonder, creativity, and awe. 

Amazing Art by Erika Zinser S. 


“And when a hero comes along”, “I need a hero”, We could be heroes, just for one day” etc. Batman, Superman, Wonderwoman etc, etc…

We, the human species have grown up with the hero programming. We love to admire heroes or be the hero. To put others on a pedestal or to have others put us on a pedestal.
We believe in saving and being saved.

It is easy for us to give when someone is in an emergency situation. If someone is ill. Or to give for organisations that save the ocean by removing garbage, save the rainforest by reforesting, save homeless by giving some food.

It is easy for us to celebrate those that have solved such a difficult situation with all their efforts. Those heroes!

It does not really matter to us that they are part of the problem and have co-created the situation in the first place. It does not matter to us that they are just treating symptoms of an artificial manmade system that are neverending.

There will always be more garbage in the oceans to collect, more burnt rainforest to reforest, more poverty to be charitable.

But it feels good to give a little and cheer on those heroes. At least someone is doing something! And thanks to them, we can stay in our comfort zone, calming down our feeling of guilt by supporting heroes or being a hero.

The real heroes are those that focus on the root cause. They are quiet, they look at themselves, at their own behavioural patterns and they shift and change. They don’t make noise about it, they walk right next to you and you don’t even know.

They are inspiring with a new lifestyle, they don’t point the finger at others, they look within.

They live amongst you, from moment to moment, they ask for nothing. They use what they were given for the greater good. They have no attachments, but they feel deep oneness of everything and everyone. Including you!
They live beyond duality, seeing beauty and purpose in everything. They are not distracted by all the noise of all the drama out there.

They gather with those that hear the same calling. To share a radically new way of living. To share what they have. To create a new paradigm. They go back to the origin – to their own essence. Before any hero programming. Where there is no rich and poor, black and white, save and being saved, heal and being healed. Where there is no giving and receiving, no trading.

There is unconditional sharing. There is unity. There is family. There is deep knowing. There is love. One unit, being and doing it together.

They are doing it for themselves, and with it – they do it for you, your family, your loved ones, and you might never even know about it until you experience the NEW you could not imagine was possible.

When you look around carefully, you can see them. They reflect your own deep hidden love and shadows to you. They are not comfortable, but they are brutally honest, raw and real. They wear no mask and they pull down yours. They look right through your stories and beliefs and see right into your heart and soul. They make you feel vulnerable, naked. They reflect your true inner power back to you. Your potential beyond fears. They might scare you at first, until you realize that this unconditional love is the only real thing we ever had to begin with. Just dare to smile and say hello – to that journey back to yourself.

#sharedessence #silentheroes #unconditionallifestyle #absolutia #ffellowism


John Lennon already had the full vision of a world of true oneness. Through his art, he was transporting a message that is much bigger than we could understand at that point in time, and was planting the idea of a new way of co-existence into our hearts. The song has been covered countless times, so many people are singing this song every day, feeling its profoundness, and yet… live their life the opposite. Because this is just a dream… Nevertheless, John knew that some day, dreamers would come together to co-create the vision he had. That it was no longer just imagination, but becoming a reality.

What John Lennon is actually saying… 

“Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today”

He said: There is no duality, no opposites, there is only heaven and earth. when they merge, (Source and Resource) we are limitless. It is heaven on earth. When everyone lives for today – fully in the NOW, there is no fear, no duality, no separation. 

He describes what happens when duality and fear are gone, and trust is leading: 

“Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace”

Without fear or duality, there is no separation, no borders, no dogma, nothing to compete for, nothing to protect. The inner peace that comes through trust leads to living life unconditionally. 100%. That automatically creates the outer peace we all long for. 

“Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man”

He is saying, that self love does not mean to treat yourself different than others or put yourself above or below others. It means to radically accept yourself and everyone else as part of the human superorganism we are becoming. As part of yourself. Sharing unconditional love and life with everyone. Treating everyone equally, as you would treat yourself. Also when it comes resources. No possessions means everything is of everyone. Whether it is knowledge, ideas, land, water, money, tools, things… 

There is no rich or poor, when we fully live this way from the core of our human being. 

Oneness means when we accept and see and fully integrate ALL parts of ourselves, which is everyone and everything around us and that we share unconditionally what we were blessed with individually. Self-love is this wholeness within, before it can manifest in our reality. 
A brotherhood and sisterhood of men and women. The full understanding that we are all ONE FAMILY. There is no OTHERS. 

“Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world”

This is what we call SHARED ESSENCE and FFELLOWISM. ABSOLUTIA, the place where we live together in this way. Where we do not only act as one, but we feel one with everyone. UNITY. Being fully inclusive, knowing everyone no matter what they did and how they lived their life is part of us to show us our own shadows and also our highest potential. Our absolute human version, to support us in our own evolution. To see our deepest fears to face them. To discover who and what we truly are as a unique part with a unique contribution to the whole. To not trade but share, to not define value in price tags, but valuing who and what is. 

“You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one”

We know that it is not only possible, but that it is becoming our reality, as the world of duality is ending. 
We all have a choice what we support with our being and our actions: separation or oneness, conflict or peace, the repetition of the old, or the creation of the new. A bit of both does not work, no matter how hard we try, we end up feeling frustrated, exhausted and unfulfilled. 

We are all-in for the NEW. Are you? 

*Amazing ART by Romain Kurdi


Conditions automatically create separation, expectation and co-dependency – trading and negotiating our worth and the worth of others using each other to reach or change something outside of us. 
From the outside in based on mistrust and fear. It leads to control and being controlled, to victims and perpetrators, to use and being used, to sell truth, beliefs and opinions, putting pricetags on the individual identity (masks). 

Unconditional sharing automatically creates oneness, trust and interdependency recognizing our worth and the worth of others amplifying each other to connect with each other from the inside out based on deep inner knowing. It leads to freedom and empowered individuals appreciating each other in community, inspiring through their lifestyle, no pricetags needed. 

As much as we desire to have the best of both worlds, keeping the comfort zone until the unconditional has evolved, you cannot mix conditional with unconditional. It will always end up in the old world of co-dependency and abuse and a deep inner split between two dimensions. We jump or we don’t, we cannot surf two timelines in parallel, unless we want to be ripped apart. 
With this set up, we keep questioning our value and are reinforcing mistrust in the world in general, because we still hope for someone else to solve it for us, and we can settle in the nice and soft bed somebody already made for us. This hope keeps us moving from disappointment to disappointment – and frustration to frustration with the world and people, because we still cannot accept that it is all entirely our own creation what we experience on the outside. 

The world is perfect as it is. Until we start seeing its borders and start outgrowing it, getting a glimpse of a different dimension. The first logical approach of the mind is to convince others of what we can see, try to change the world and to change people by using its conditional mechanics and dynamics. (If this then that – darkness and light, good and evil). Conspiracy theories, the mission to bring light into the world… We try to heal, to coach, to activate, to meditate for peace and unity, to eliminate the dark forces etc . We come up with new dogmas – in short: we still try to manipulate the outside of us. 

Until we are too worn out to continue like this and we let go. Completely and whole-heartedly. Because we experience that there is nothing or no one to be changed. 
We realize that we created this reality to experience duality and with it lack and separation. We realize that it is in equilibrium, darkness and light – by people stealing energy from each other instead of sharing it. Those are the dynamics of this dimension. This frequency band. 
A huge bootcamp to learn what we are not and to remember and embody unity, unconditional love and our essence. 

We accept that each individual has their own experience and dynamics in this bootcamp, that cannot be influenced from the outside in. They activate and become aware when it is their moment – from the inside out – not because we want them to or we made them to. We understand that it was our own deep hidden fear of lack and unworthiness that was reflected back to us through them, and all we can do is share our experience to leave breadcrumbs for others, ready to be picked up when it is their moment. 

And then we realize that there is a completely new way that has literally nothing to do with the old. It is unconditional from the very core and is yet to be co-created and built together with others who have completely let go of the conditional world we used to know as our reality. We shift our focus completely away from the old to the brand new. Together we share this deep inner knowing of the new, we create with those who are understanding and embodying the unconditional, ready to play and fly together. One Unit acting as one Superorganism. 
We share our essence without any conditions, agendas or plans. We appreciate each other for who we are, not for what we could be useful for. 

The seed of this new world (Absolutia) is already planted. With each individual contributing with water and nutrients, it will grow organically. No leader necessary. It is lead by the Source Code, a set of values that are lived and embodied together. Simplicity at its finest. 

It is all here already. All the people and resources, it is merely a matter of putting the puzzle pieces and dreamers of the new together. We ARE DOing it. 

“So tell me… how are you planning on saving the world? – We are not meant to save the world, we are meant to build a new inspiring one” – The Magician

#imaginalcells #ffellowism #absolutia #ffmovement #sharedessence#sourcecode


„We are one“, „We are unity“, „We are here to embody the new based on oneness and abundance“… „We are here to share love and joy“etc. etc. 
Just scrolling down the facebook timeline, we can read this everywhere. Beautiful posts about the energy of the new world, and at the end of the post we most often find: „Copyright“, „sign up for my retreat“, „become a member of my new platform“, „get a session or guidance“, „donate here“, „sign up for my weekly newsletter“, etc. etc. 
The NEW is radically NEW. It is unconditional. Business and trade is business and trade. Two separate parties trading – depending on each other. Or, if it is a donation model, it is one party depending on another. If you pay this then you receive this. If you steal this from me, then these are the consequences… „You decide my value by donating“ etc. „If this, then that.“ Conditional. „My“. Identity and attachment.
We reinforce the old system with all of its symptoms we fight against.  
We might not like this… but that is doing it the OLD way. It is disempowering. Exchanging is NOT sharing. It is not Oneness. It is not Quantum. It is Separation. It is linear. 
All of this is still based on the belief that money is needed to survive. To pay bills, to afford living, to buy food, to have fun. We take it for granted that this is the way economy functions. We are creating with what the mind knows already and we are repeating a pattern – whether we like it or not, we are attached to the money belief because the mind cannot imagine a world without it. And we are very creative with it: Different payment models, income dependent pricing, membership platforms, Multilevel Marketing, Start Ups, Foundations, applying for government grants, inventing new currencies, weekly calls and gatherings etc. etc. All based on trading and business models. 
We are trying to fit the NEW into the OLD. Where is the magic in that? Where is the „NEW“?? 
That is not what we came here for. We did not come here to be the most shiny and beautiful caterpillar. We came here to be the butterfly. We came to evolve and create a NEW WORLD, that has nothing to do with anything we did before. It has a different source code based on Oneness, so the old dynamics of duality, separation and conditions do not apply anymore. And we feel more and more uncomfortable with that, because we feel that this is not really it. 
The NEW paradigm is about sharing unconditionally. It is about being in a state of healthy interdependency of all individual cells of the whole organism. The NEW paradigm makes money obsolete. Of course, there is a transition period, where we still use money to use the old infrastructure. BUT – it is no longer about „making money“ in form of trading to survive. It is about redistributing it by sharing until the new system is in place. 
The moment we fully open to share our talents, gifts, insights (as we are aware, that it is not „ours“ but comes from the same Source) we transform „Intellectual Property“ into „Open Source“. We shift our frequency into true Oneness, knowing everything and everyone is a part/the presence of „Source“ with different functions but no attachments to any „property“.
The moment we fully open our „possessions“ be it money, real estate, tools, things, we transform „Private Property“ into „Open Resource“ without any attachments to any „property“. Again – we shift our frequency into true Oneness. Knowing that everything here is is for everyone to share. Now, there is people mainly with Sources and others mainly with Resources. The moment we shift, we can syncronize in the energy of sharing. 

That is when we truly overcome the beliefs of separation and survival. When we fully trust the new frequencies. That is when we truly start to understand what Co-Creation means. When we start to share our ESSENCE. When we remember non-linear organic dynamics and cycles. We are not here to fix the old, to try to heal, to teach, to prevent. We are here to inspire and to build a new system, that automatically makes the old obsolete. We are not here to do it alone or with a small group of people. We are not meant to do this alone. Each and everyone of us carries a unique puzzle piece that adds into the big picture. We are all part of a worldwide community and organism called humanity that starts to remember its wholeness. 
It is an organic process. It grows from the inside out. It starts syncronizing and clustering those that are vibrating in this new frequency enough to shift. It infects the old. Bit by bit by bit. Until the old disappears.

#ffmovement #sharedessence #oneness #sourcecode #ffellowism

The texts I share are always based on my own intuition and/or on experiences of ffellows and my own. I do not claim what I share to be the ultimate truth. I encourage you to only take what resonates to find your own truth and wisdom. As this is universal wisdom, I do not claim any copyright. Please feel free to share this content as long as you keep its message complete so that the meaning does not get twisted. Thank you.

By Vera Ingeborg