THE BURNING AND ACHING OF EMBODIMENT 

Somebody from the fflock community asked me if I could share about my experience of embodiment, and that she was experiencing a lot of burning and aching down to the bones. 
I felt that the words burning and aching truly are perfect ways to describe the process of embodiment. 

I cannot even say when it started exactly, it must have been mid/end 2018, when my body went into complete imbalance. Now back then, I was in a state of pure joy and happiness. I felt I had completed my process of transformation, I felt emotionally balanced and my physical body had never been healthier. I did not need much food anymore, I went ecstatic dancing at least three days a week, I went kitesurfing, hiking, biking etc and I had limitless energy available. I felt ASCENDED. 

Little did I know that there was a whole new cycle of transformation coming up for me. This time the cycle of DESCENSION or the EMBODIMENT of the higher energies that had anchored in my energetic field. My physical body was literally going nuts. I started gaining a lot of weight, I felt bloated and blown up, had constant brainfog and headaches and was very tired. I lost my libido completely. My hormonal system was going crazy, all the glands were out of balance. I had cravings shifting and changing constantly as if I was pregnant. And in a way, I was. Pregnant with a new version of me. I had to let go of any belief system around food and what is healthy or not. I became an intuitive eater, listening very closely to what my body was asking for. My so far plant based, light diet shifted into very heavy and grounding foods including meat and lots of potatoes. I could not touch salad, raw food, fruits or nuts for three years! About half a year ago, cravings shifted again completely and I am now craving more light foods again. In general, I am eating a lot less. 1.5 meals per day are enough. 

I also had to let go of all my belief systems around beauty of a physical body. I realized how unhealthy the idea is of having trained, strong muscles and a flat belly. This way, we are holding the things that want to release even more tight. I don’t know how the new, balanced human bodies will look like, but I do know that the belly will be relaxed and soft. The whole area around the belly button holds so much trauma, especially around base safety, like not being nourished and not being held and sheltered. 

The worst of all really was (and still is) the burning and aching of the joints and the nervous system. It feels schizophrenic, when your energetic field and mind is calm, while the physical body memory goes through many waves of fear and terror. It just wants to get back into its comfort zone and the apply safety strategies it knows. But – there is no way back. 

As far as I can say from my own experience – there are two processes happening in parallel. The purging of old cellular memory/trauma and the transformation of the physical body into a new, advanced structure / geometry to be able to read and decode the higher frequencies. 
Agustí and I, we started exploring our bodies to understand better, what is happening. We realized that trauma was sitting in some sort of “fat pockets” that had crystal like content, when you were touching them. I would compare it to zip-files, where the body has compressed emotional information that had been suppressed and not released. They mainly are wrapped around the nerves. We played with high pressure massages and trauma started releasing through screams and tears. Each time after such a release, the body shapeshifted again and looked differently. Now, those traumas were only in the beginning related to my own life experience but soon I realized that what I was releasing was collective trauma from my whole family lineage that had just been passed on from generation to generation. It was excruciating and liberating at the same time. We called it loving exorcism. 

The purging pain is different from the restructuring pain. The restructuring is mainly the burning and aching sensation firing through the nervous system from top to bottom. My main pain areas sit along the spine. Sometimes it intensifies in one body part – like a major migraine or digestion issues or a burning sensation in the anus/perineum. 

The purging pain, when touching a spot in the body is more like a very sore muscle pain, and sometimes also it feels ticklish, uncomfortable to be touched there and the body goes into fight mode. As soon as you break through the fight mode and surrender, it is much more an emotional pain when it releases. It is a deep grief that surfaces. After the release, the part of the body feels relaxed and the pain in that spot is gone. 

I am in year four now of the embodiment process and my nerves and joints still burn and are on fire every day. I kind of got used to the pain and am embracing it instead of trying to get rid of it. I do physically what I feel like doing and I am listening closely to the impulses. I enjoy being outside in nature and go for hikes, even if I go slow. My body seems to like the reference points in nature to let go of the old comfort zone. I am feeling joy and bliss despite the pain, unless an old collective fear memory pocket comes up for release. Those releases are different from the emotional releases. They feel more like pulling chewing gum. You can notice that something is working its way up to the surface, but it takes a lot more time and the emotional pain is less explosive but deeper. 

I keep being fascinated by this whole evolutionary process. It is also a truly big exercise of self-love, including the physical body – no matter what. To not get upset that the vehicle we are navigating reality with is working full time internally and needs a lot of rest, spaceholding and support. I have developed an immense patience and keep learning more about the body and to listen to its intelligence but not to its fear reactions. It is a fine line to walk to not try to save your own body from pain, but to accompany it through the pain with loving support and nutrition/nourishment.